Dear Ralph: Am I still a Virgin

Dear Ralph,
         I am really confused right now about where I stand because I don't know if I am still a virgin or not. I have so many questions bugging my mind right now. Can pre-intimacy break a girls hym3n? How close is it to the opening of my lady part? Will blood still come out once it's broken? If there is no high intensity pre-intimacy would blood come out? If somehow my hym3n is broken without me engaging in any intercourse, would it still hurt when I do it for the first time? Can finger play break me? If I am broken but without having any intercourse then would I still be a virgin or is it that once it is broken I am no more a virgin. Please just clarify some of these with me. I have been involved in finger play so far and not really sure where I stand anymore. Thank you.

                                                                                                                                                       Callista








Dear Callista,
       The hym3n is different in every woman when it comes to resilience. It is possible for it to be broken through very little pre-intemacy or effort but at the same time there are ladies(very few) who have complained of a very stubborn 'seal'. Keep in mind that even rigorous exercises could cause it to break. Also the exercises are mostly exercises that engage muscles close to your lady part or even directly. Like horse back riding. Pre-intimacy that engages the lady part directly like finger play or hard tongue play  (yes the tongue is strong enough to do that)also has a high chance of breaking it but remember it depends on how much resilience yours has. The hym3n is only about 1-2 cm from the opening of your 'low-below'. With how close it is to the opening, a near surface engagement without any full penetration could still break it. So that also answers the question of how close it is to the surface.

When it comes to question of blood and pain it is also a thing of variance. There are also ladies although still very few of them who said that they never saw any blood or even felt any pain when it was broken. This mostly occurs if their is a level of distraction. For instance if a lady is well into the intimacy and well lubricated be it naturally or artificially, her mind would be focused on the pleasure and with that pleasure, the pain threshold is increased making her almost or totally unaware of any pain. The reason the number of women who do not feel any pain is few is because most ladies are very conscious about it and end up paying too much attention. They expect the pain and wait for it in order to brace for it but consequently they happen to feel it more when it comes. Also those who get broken due to rigorous exercise mostly do not feel the pain because of this same reason of distraction.
    I would say you should treat the pain and blood as two separate things. There is a possibility of pain without blood, blood without pain, both pain and blood or no pain and no blood. So it might hurt or it might not and you might bleed or you might not.

Sometimes the pain you feel the first time isn't about the hym3n, although sometimes it is related to it. It mostly depends on how tight you are for the first time. The first few times you engage in intimacy, depending on how tight you are, it might hurt you ranging from a little to a lot. The thing is that the muscles down there aren't used to taking anything in just yet. The muscles there aren't relaxed well enough just yet. It takes time plus patience and care from you and your partner to minimize or eliminate the pain.  It still all depends on your own body.Again, there are few ladies who are an exception to this.

As for if you are still a virgin. This is a big debate that has been going on for a while now as to how and when a lady is a virgin or not. I will tell you what I feel. Virginity is defined as the state of never having had s3xual intercourse. I believe that your hym3n is only a physical way of determining and since it can be broken through exercise and other none intimate means. It can't be used to determine this. I believe that it is till you engage in any kind of physical (not mental) s3x be it oral or otherwise. Think of it, if it is only a manhood to lady part penetration that qualifies you as a virgin or non-virgin. Then a lady who uses a vibr@tor or even get's engaged with a finger or two every now and then, either by herself or with a lover can still be considered a virgin. At the end though I would say it depends on what you think and your own conscience.

Now to know if your hym3n is still there just visit your gynecologist and confirm that. He/she should be able to inspect and give you the correct answer.

If this is a thing of self guilt then I would ask you to just relax. The mistakes or choices you might have made in the past do not define you. It's about who you want to be and the efforts you put in to be that person. Do not let the guilt eat you up. All you can do is make a choice of what you want through the knowledge you have gained from this our discussion and move on. Yesterday is gone so do not dwell on it, be who you want to be today.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph