Dear Ralph: How do I end this relationship

Hello Raphael,
         I met this girl during her NYSC which she did at my office. I was talking to some other girl before I met her but she was in the UK so it was basically all about chatting and FaceTime.  On a Saturday night, I and the girl went out together, had a few drinks and ended up at mine. We have basically been seeing each other for more than a year now. She told me she was okay with me being a Muslim and all. But of recent, anytime an argument occurs she brings up religion issues, saying she doesn't know where this is leading to.

        I usually pick her and drop her whenever we need to see or be together. Recently I started telling her that she needs to start making an effort to come down to my place by herself, at least sometimes. She then told me that she can't and I was shocked. I told her that I won't be coming down to her anymore to pick her. Is anything wrong with that? She doesn't take taxis and her driver can't bring her. I even made arrangements with uber taxis for her and she refused. I can't continue like this and besides, it's not like we are heading towards marriage. How do I tell her, because I don't want a situation where by she will start crying and I don't want to pity her. Can I just send her a text and be like that I need some space?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Anonymous










Dear Anonymous,
       For your first question about if it is okay that you won't be going to pick her up anymore from her place. From what you have explained I guess it is all about what you can and cannot handle. It feels good when the person you are with is willing to meet you halfway at least. I know how stressful it could be having to drive up and down to pick and drop her, especially if the distance is very far. You also mentioned getting a taxi service for her and she refusing it. That is what really picked my interest so I am forced to ask. Have you asked her the reason why she doesn't want to use that service? If possible just try to speak with her and see her own reasons for not wanting to take that option you gave her. There might be something because I personally think that a car rental service is just fine, so there might be something else behind why she refused it. But if there really isn't then we would understand that maybe it's just the way it is with her. And then it would all still depend on what you can tolerate and what you cannot tolerate. If you cannot keep going to get her after she explains her own reason then I guess it is fine.

As for if you should send her a text. I would really advice you against this because it isn't mature and doesn't show respect. As much as it would help you to avoid seeing her face to face or falling into what you are trying to prevent which is staying with her out of pity, I would advice a face to face confrontation or at least a phone call. Softly explain your reasons to her so she can take it more lightly. Let her know that it is also for her own good because the sooner she gets into a relationship with someone she can get married to, the better for her. The thing is that, if she already knows that you both aren't going to end up together then this might be a lot easier than what you think. So just take things easy and see how it goes. Try and be strong when speaking to her and maintain focus on the best thing for the both of you. You would need some self control to be able to resist her if she starts crying or begging you. Just remember you do not want to stay there because of pity. If possible make the meeting or the phone call a short one and leave immediately after you get your message to her, so you don't have the time to start reconsidering. Also just make sure you don't mention giving her "space" or else she understands your true intention. She might misunderstand and still hope that something would work between the both of you and that you both are just taking a short break to know where you are with each other. Instead I would advice you to just tell her straight up that you want to end things. It is easier said than done, I know but it is still the best thing to do if you ask me.

You would never now, she might be looking for a way to end the relationship also. Maybe that is the reason she brings up not knowing where the relationship is headed when you two have a little argument and uses the religion difference as a point also so I really think you should just go talk to her face to face.

I wish you both the best of luck and hope you are able to figure this out. Since you have decided already to end it then just try to end it on a good note with her at least. I would be here for any extra help you need. If you decide to also try and work through this relationship instead then you can also choose to contact me for help. I would be more than happy to give you a couple of tips you can take to get her back. Take care for now

                                                                                                                                                    Ralph