Dear Ralph: Please help, My husband still hits me

Dear Ralph,

I have been married for 8 years with 3 children now. He just beat me two days ago...again....out of anger he said....that I spoke to his mother without respect. Kicked me so hard, my waist is swollen.

When I try to talk to him about our relationship, he buries his face in his iPad or just cuts me off rudely that he does not have time for such rubbish

He is the provider for the home and he is making good investments in building apartment buildings for rent. I truly admire and respect that about him but I don't know why he hates to spend alone time with me and just disrespects me overall.

Please help me.

                                                                                                                                                   Ebony











Dear Ebony,
        Please first things first, you need to get to a medical doctor if you haven't done that already. Especially if you feel the swelling is not just the usual. Please go and check it out and make sure there wasn't any extra damage done.

From the way you sound it seems he has been hitting you and this was just another time that he did it again. But if I am wrong and this is the first time please tell me, it would help me better in giving you the necessary advice you need. Please my good dear. You need to go to the authorities about this is your life is being threatened. If you feel you cannot do that then at least involve your parents and his parents, let them know that this wasn't what you got into this marriage for. Physical violence is absolutely unacceptable in my own books. You can't sit down and not do anything about it and he would just stop it one day. This is just the way the human race is, if you show that you can tolerate a certain thing and he is comfortable doing it to you then there would be no reason at all for him to stop. So please speak up and revolt about this. If there are any human rights bodies or any other bodies that deal with domestic violence around your location then please report to them. You have 3 children and you should think about them. You don't want your sons growing up feeling that, that is the way to treat ladies or your daughter running away from men because the first man she knows hits her favorite woman (you). So please think about your kids also and know that this could have a negative effect on them.

I know he has absolutely no right at all to hit you but I would also ask you to look at your own character. Is there anything you feel you do that causes this, so that at least you can work on the habit and reduce the chances of him or any other person to hit you. This is totally for your own personal growth as a person, to become a better person and know that in no way are you to be blamed for his actions. So if it means asking him why he gets violent over you or if there is anything in particular he hates about you, then ask him. Please only do this when he is in the best of moods and there is no tension. Ask politely and calmly, in a way that he knows that you aim to change and not to challenge. But please if he is too violent and you believe he cannot be spoken to then do not take the risk please. Stay out of harms way my dear.

Providing for the house and wealth and being a good planner is all good. I like that and I give him credit for all that. But you know you can also do something on your own and provide for yourself. If that is the only reason you are still there and receiving the abuse then you might want to re-think this whole thing. I really do not feel it is worth it.

For now please just do as I said and involve your parents and his. Keep your kids out of harms way first of all, that is the most important. Work on your own self, approach him when you feel it's okay and leave him alone if it isn't. These are the most important things for now, it is only when we can stop this habit of his or see if it is even possible that we can begin to talk about how you can approach him about your relationship problems. I know this is one of them but this take priority for now.

    Has he hit you before? Do you really speak rudely to his mum? How long has he been doing this? Does he complain about any particular character? Please get back to me with the answer to these questions and the ones I asked you earlier in your email. I would be here to help you further and out of this. Take it easy my dear and go to your parents place if the heat is getting too much. Take care for now. You are very much welcome to the fam.

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph