Dear Ralph: I don't want just her body.

Hello Ralph,
        I'm writing because my relationship is crumbling as we speak. I and my girlfriend have only been together for 1 year and 4 months. We started out with her not being really interested in me but with constant pressure and persuasion she gave a chance at making something work between us. We have had our good times and our bad times but always manage to make up. The problem now is that recently things have been getting out of hand, it's like we are no more on the same page. We fight a lot and do not even bother to make up anymore. It's as if she is looking for a way out of the relationship but doesn't know how to go about it, that is my first thought each time something comes up but I get too scared to ask her because I don't want to loose her. On looking again I can see that she might be going through the same thoughts and struggles. She makes more money than I do but I doubt that is part of the problem. I don't know if it has to do with marriage also because she is 23 and I don't know if her parents have started disturbing her about marriage and that is part of why she is acting like this. I have never spoken to her about marriage because I kind of get scared when they label "marriage" on it.  We no more connect the way we used to and it's like the emotions are all faded away. The last time we had a fight was because of something insignificant. We disagreed on food, I am even too ashamed to go into details and before I knew what was happening, we weren't talking to each other again. Right now my main concern is that all we ever do is just make out and get intimate.
It's all about the physical part now, we haven't lost it when it  comes to that aspect. I still drive her crazy and she still drives me crazy once we go into a room. I love her too much to do this with her, I do not want a relationship that is just physical with her. I would prefer that we break things off than to just keep her around to satisfy our physical needs. The problem is that I still cannot bring myself to actually leave her. Once I get there I just break down and can't carry on. Is there anyway I can do this and just get it over with?

                                                                                                                                                        Kunle









Dear Kunle,
        Sorry to hear about the way your relationship is going, I really wish you would still keep trying to make things work and not go for a breakup immediately. Since you both have a good connection then you both should look into your relationship issues more and try to single out those characters about each other that is causing problems and tackle it. The both of you should dedicate yourselves to listening to what the other complains about and promise to think about it before displacing what the other person has to complain about. If it is lack of attention and care then you both should try and bring out more time to do things you both love doing together. And if it just feels like you both are choking up in the relationship and need a little time away from each other. Then it would be best to find those things that you both love doing separately and decide together to give each other time to be yourselves separately, just like some hours in a day where you get to be alone. To have time alone without having to think of the other person and just be who you love being alone. This way you would also know if you miss her when she isn't around at all or if you do not miss her at all.

You would just have to ask her and raise your concerns about her parents pressuring her to get married. You cannot afford to keep speculating while the problem remains there clearly. You both really need to talk things out well. It might be marriage but I doubt it would be her major problem, even if it was part of it. Just ask her to feel free and open up to you, make her comfortable so she can easily open up about her feeling to you.

Sine intimacy is the only thing holding you both and you do not like it like that. I think you two should also decide to cut it out for now. Talk to her and know her willingness, to know if she even sees it as a problem also.If you both decide that is the best then try not to put yourselves in position that would lead you into this act. Try to stay away from each other a little and try not to be in any room or comfortable place alone with her. Do not test yourself because when it comes to intimacy, especially when it is a good one, you would find yourself almost powerless to resist. So try to be careful and be watchful, control yourself a little more. Train your mind and discipline yourself to be able to withstand the temptation if it comes eventually. You would stand a fighting chance that way but do not put yourself out there and test yourself.

Leaving her at this early stage might just mean that you gave up on something good without fighting enough for it. I know it gets tiring and irritating when you keep fighting with someone, especially with someone you love. You might just want to end it all and move on, but ask yourself if it is really worth it. If you would prefer to let go of something that you know is good. There are other chances and ladies out there yes but I would advice you to hold on to this one in front of you that you are used to and sure of and fight for what you have right now. But if you still calculate everything I have told you and decide that separation would be the best thing at this stage, then I guess it is fine. Just summon up the courage and end it all at once. If it is all about intimacy then things might end badly later with one person feeling used. The best thing would be to get it over with and talk to her. That would be the most mature way to go about it. Do not try to sneak out of the relationship or make her angry and frustrate her out as most people do. Be straight forward, it would hurt now but it's the best

It is either you both work on this now and try your best to get your relationship going. Or you end it once and for all so that things would still be okay between the both of you on a normal day. You do not want her to end up an enemy do you? So just try to make the right choice. Give yourself some time to think this over and know what you can handle then go for it.

I wish your relationship best of luck and really wish you find the strength to go through these tough times. Best of luck


                                                                                                                                                    Ralph