Dear Ralph: Is he cheating? (Update)

Read the original post HERE

Dear Raphael,
        I should have written since but I have been very very busy with work and some issues in my house. I observed my husband more and it seems he is actually interested in another woman. One night he got up as usual and started checking his phone and I left him alone and pretended to be sleeping. This was happening around 2 o'clock in the middle of the night. So around 7 he got up and went into the shower to take his bath. I took his phone and went through it and noticed one woman that he always chats with. She sends him sweet messages and they are very much interested in each other. I usually don't go through his phone but I was pushed to do it this time. From what I have read, they haven't done anything yet and it seems it is the woman that is the one pressuring him to do something. For him to be getting up by that time of the night everyday means that he loves her and no more loves me. He even set an alarm for it one day that he was tired, we were renovating our house and he was helping with the work because he is very handy.
He was very tired that day and just to wake up for her, he set an alarm. Should I just let this go and see what he can do, maybe find out the extent to which he can drag this and know if he will eventually cheat on me. Or should I just file for a divorce immediately and get this thing out of the way. I need your advice again Ralph.

                                                                                                                                        Anonymous.















Dear Anonymous,
         My personal suggestion would be for you to open up about what you have seen so far before things get any worse. I think it would be better for you to save your marriage at this stage, any waste of time could make things worse. Remember that people make mistakes and since the big mistake hasn't been made yet, you still stand a chance of correcting things before they get out of hand. Tell him what you observed, it might be that there are some things that you are overlooking in the relationship. It could be that he is just about to make a mistake unknowingly, it could be a whole lot of things. Just work with him to see how you both can make things work from here. At least he has been holding back from the woman on his own. He might just be missing certain things like the fresh attention from you, but instead of asking you, he carries on and enjoys the one he is getting from somewhere else. He is holding on now but he might not be able to resist the temptation for too long. If possible consider this option and pull him out of this before he makes the mistake. Please don't use this to judge and say he doesn't love you anymore. Just reason things out with him first.

If you decide to allow him and know if he would give into the other lady's pressure. He might realize himself and stop on time before doing something he would regret. And he still might not open up to you about what happened after he realizes himself out of shame, so that means that you both still wouldn't get a good opportunity at working on the relationship. This ultimately means that if another temptation arises, you would start from the beginning to have sleepless night and he might fall the second time around.
    If he does make a mistake then you would get hurt and who knows if you would be able to forgive him after that. The marriage might end in a divorce and a bitter separation. So if you ask me, I would say that this option isn't exactly the best for your marriage. If you have kids also consider if you want to put them through this.

If you divorce him immediately, it could be that you averted a serious heartbreak that was going to happen, but you would never be truly sure. It would also mean that you might have lost your marriage for something that your husband didn't even do at all.

This isn't something that cannot be fixed so I ask you to look at this situation again and see that your husband can still be helped. These things happen and if you leave today, you would never know who you would meet tomorrow. Work on what you have, now that you still have the chance. Just take your time and think about this. Do not make any hasty decisions just yet. I hope you are able to save your marriage. I would be here for you if you need any extra help.

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph