Dear Ralph: Should I bring back the vibe?

   

Hello Ralph,
          This is kind of awkward but I really need the advice. I am a woman, 29 years old and married to the most caring man on earth. We have an issue, well I in particular have an issue seeing that he doesn't know the problem here. You see I am a woman and us women have our needs as I know you understand. Before I started actively engaging in intimacy in relationships after my virginity was taken, I got a toy and decided that if I was going to stay away from anything second base and above with men and still be reach the satisfaction that I needed it. I used to have fun times alone with my vibe and had the best 'O' ever. But you know these toys can never be as good as having a real man, so when I got back into relationships I dropped the vibe because of a quarrel with my boyfriend back then. He said that if I keep using it that he would never be good enough for me. I understood and dropped it, we had our fun times and he was really good in bed. Making love to him was really satisfying but we broke up and that chapter ended. Shortly after the break up I met my  husband and we started dating, I loved him so much and decided that it wasn't good for him to see the part of me that liked toys so I still kept the toys away. Doing "it" was never really good with him and I kept consoling myself that he would get better with time and experience seeing that I was he's first and only. We are now married and still I am not seeing any improvement. He doesn't even know when I am not satisfied, once he finishes he pulls out and goes to wash off and I am stuck there. This has been going on ever since and the fear of living with this for the rest of my married life is really scaring me. As I said before I am a woman and I have needs. I am beginning to consider bringing out the vibe but I am afraid that he would see me as a freak. I really don't know what to do. I am also considering using it after he is asleep and I go to another room or when he is at work. I don't want to cheat on him so that is not an option at all. He is a really good man. This is just he's only problem. So what do you think I should do in this situation? should I go back and bring out my toys to come and play?

                                                                                                                                               Anonymous








Dear Anonymous,
          I understand how annoying and  frustrating bad bedroom action can be for you women. Here is what I think you should do. I think you should open up to him about how he doesn't satisfy you . Let him know that you have needs as a woman and that you also need to pleased. You would be surprised to find out that he might not even know that he leaves you hanging. You said that you were he's first and only and that might be the reason he knows very little. In intimacy, just like everything else sometimes you need to be taught what to do. You are more experienced than him and you know your body more than him, I would suggest you teach him how to navigate he's way around your body. Show him how to please you and when you aren't satisfied, open up and let him know. It is of no use being scared of what he might or might not think if you show him that you need more than he is giving to be satisfied. You both are going to be together for a lifetime so the sooner he knows you fully, the better. And you would never know, he might actually be happy that you opened up to him and really appreciate it.
        If you do try everything else and other ways of making him fulfill your needs then you both can talk about introducing toys to the bedroom. Instead of sneaking around with it, I feel you should suggest it to him and instead have him use it on you. You can show him first hand how you use it to please yourself and it could really spice things up for you both. I know it would be awkward opening up about this in particular. Admitting that you use toys has never been easy but he is your husband and you will never know if he is cool with it till you try. I personally don't see anything wrong with it. If you find it hard and don't know how to bring it up then, one of the times you talk to each other, ask him he's opinion about women that use toys. At least you can get a hint of what he feels about it. Don't worry, if he really loves you the way you said he does, then I doubt you have anything to be afraid of.

Best of luck and I hope you both have a healthier intimate life ahead...

                                                                                                                                                Ralph