Dear Ralph: The guilt is eating me up

Dear Ralph,
         I have something that has been weighing on my heart for some time now. I feel maybe you can help me get over this guilt that I feel. I got pregnant for my boyfriend early this year when I was in school. It was a mistake and I thought we were being careful, we used protection but I don't know how it managed to happen. But the thing is that I took in. At first I didn't know what to do and I was really scared. I and my boyfriend discussed and I decided to remove the child. Ever since I did that I have not been able to live with myself. I hardly sleep and I know I am just hallucinating but at times I feel like I see my child or hear it's voice. I never even got to find out if it was a boy or a girl.
My boyfriend has been supportive of me and I wish now that I had listened to him because he told me that he would talk to he's mum to take care of the child and tried to talk me out of the abortion but I carried on and did it. I feel so bad and feel like a murderer. I am not able to have intimacy with my boyfriend anymore and I know he is enduring it but he is just trying to be strong on the surface. I don't know, I just feel really ugly and dirty inside.

                                                                                                                                              Anonymous







Dear Anonymous,
            Going through that procedure must have been hard and traumatizing for you but I want you to know that everything is going to be okay. The worst has passed and the mistakes have been made. You need to understand that beating yourself up isn't going to reverse time and bring back what has gone. I know it's not easy to move on but you really have to try. Maybe it is okay for the thought of it to linger in your memory but you need to leave it as a memory of mistakes made and nothing more. Don't dwell on it and just use it as a lesson that has been learnt. I am sure if your little one was looking down at you now from up above, he/she would understand that you panicked and made a wrong decision.
     The most important thing is that you have learnt from your mistakes and that it won't happen again no matter what. I am happy for you that your boyfriend is the understanding type, remember that there are many that have suffered such a fate and their men abandoned them. But yours stayed without even questioning if the pregnancy was from him.
It is good that you both are abstaining form intimacy for now and it is very much understandable. I think you both need a little break to get over this before getting back to intimacy, that's if you both still decide on going back to it. Just remember that there is no way that is 100% guaranteed to keep you away from pregnancy apart from abstinence.
   Pick yourself up and start again with the lessons you have learnt from this, don't let it pause your life. Instead let it make you stronger and then you keep moving. You will be fine.

I will always be available for you and your man in case you both still need help getting over this. Just take care of yourself for now and remain safe.

                                                                                                                                                Ralph