Dear Ralph: Who should I chose?

Dear Ralph,
        I read about your blog from LIB and thought immediately to get some answers from you. I'll be 24 in less than two months and I don't know how to fix this mess. I started dating this guy mid last year when we met at a friend's wedding. I wasn't really looking for a relationship then as I had recently broken up with someone. But this guy was nice, respectful and intelligent so I thought, why not give friendship a trial and see how it works from there. We became close and I started falling for him as we had so much in common and could relate well. Only one thing was missing, he was always busy. I got to understand that he has a demanding job but it got so bad that he could go up to three days without calling me.
We'd mostly just chat on social media and even that, sometimes till late at night when he's back from work. I don't call him during the day cause i'm one who respects a working place and wouldn't want to come off as a 'clingy'girlfriend. Oh, and in the year plus we've been together; we've only seen each other twice, the last time was 9 months ago. The  problem here now is that there's another guy who's seeking my attention. He's also a nice person and although we don't have much in common, he always has my time. He has spent more time on me in a month than my bf has. At first I thought maybe its because he just finished school and so would have time on his hands, but he really surprises me with the most simplest form of care and attention a girl can ever ask for. I'm starting to fall for the second guy while losing interest for my bf.What do I do? I don't want to hurt any heart but I really need answers as my parents expect me to be getting married soon. Thanks

P.S. You can post this on your blog as anonymous. I would want to know
what other readers think. Thanks

                                                                                                                                            Anonymous




Dear Anonymous,
                I always suggest to people that they should try and fix what they have before anything else. I think you should try and exhaust all your options with your present boyfriend before you consider another person. I however understand the struggles of a long distance relationship and how it can be. I think that if your boyfriend doesn't call you in a number of days, just complain to him that you miss him and that you want to talk to him more often or at least call him yourself. You said you don't want to seem clingy but sometimes you have to do what you have to do to make your relationship work. You both should talk about he's work schedule and know if he has any breaks in between working hours so that you can utilize that to know when you can call him. Remember that although you don't have much time to spend with your boyfriend, at least the little time you people get to spend I assume is really quality time. Remind yourself of why you fell for him. Also if possible discuss with him if he plans on continuing with the job seeing that it demands he's attention so much and you can't work with that. Know if he has any plans of switching jobs or any other thing. If he plans on changing then you weigh things with him as you people discuss and make new plans together. But at least know that before you make any plans of leaving him or staying.
         Now for the new guy, it's good that he gives you that much deserved attention but also remember that even in marriage at a point you would get bored of your partner and the only thing that would keep you both going through those times would be friendship and interests. So know if he has the qualities you would need to have a long lasting and healthy relationship. Think to yourself and know if the only reason you are actually falling for him is because he has in abundance what you lack from your present boyfriend which is time. If that is the only thing then you might want to reconsider. I believe somehow that you can still fix what you have. If you do think it through and find out that you would prefer to be with this new guy then fine, you go ahead and do what you have to, but just be absolutely sure.

  I would also like to tell you that any thing you decide on should be totally based on what you feel and believe is right and not because of the conditions that are present right now. I know how early marriage is important for you ladies but remember also that a happy and long lasting marriage is more important. If you are choosing one person over the other because of just "Marriage" then I think you should sit and think things through again. I understand that your parents want you to get married early for the best reasons, but always thing of the best decision you can make today so that tomorrow would be a better day.

I hope this helps open your eye to some other options you can use to sort things out. And I would appreciate hearing good news from you soon. I would always still be available for extra help and advice when you need it.

                                                                                                                                                      Ralph