Dear Ralph: Should I leave him?

Morning Ralph,
             I've been dating this guy since my 100 level days in university since 2008 and we were so much in love. In age he is older with 4 months. I gave my all to him, he did the same for me also,he was so caring and reserved and never liked trouble.What I hated most about him was that he used to physically abuse me sometimes and blamed it on my attitude although now he has stopped that.
     He went for NYSC and started seeing another girl, she has boyfriend of her own and he claimed that she seduced him. I was broken because he has never cheated, although I suspected I never did anything until the day he pinged and told me he was very sorry. He also always used the girl for he's display picture and added romantic P.M's directed to her but in German (she read German lang in school). She is also all over he's Instagram page and those are things he never did with me. Anyway...
        He broke up with the girl on trust issues and begged me to come back. I loved him so I came back after a while, but now I have a problem with trusting him. We talked about marriage recently and he said I should give him 3 - 4 years to make money so that he can take me out and to "see life" before we get married ( i'm 26 and will be 30 in 4 years). I asked if he can't take me out as a wife his reply was "as soon as he gets married, he wants to start making babies and he can't take me to noisy places like clubs because of the "baby".I agreed to it because I spent almost all my youthful age loving him and I might not be able to love another like him. But I think he should be considerate and know that I am a lady and age may not be too much on my side. Honestly I am scared I dunno what to do because I don't think I can wait that long. I love him but I love myself also and want the best for me. Should I shut him out until I figure out what I want? I'm the first child and so much is expected of me as a lady. I know he loves me and I love him too. I need help cos I am tired of thinking.
                                                                                                                                       Anonymous





Hello anonymous
                  First of all I would suggest that you confront him and discuss with him, let him know how concerned you are about getting married late, if he's problem is making money to show you a good time and you are sure you can manage fine without all that then you go ahead and tell him that he need not worry about it. I am sure that by now you know about your chances with pregnancy as your age increases ,so have that in mind and bring it up when you both talk. Marriage involves two people not one so you two should make plans that you both will agree on. Also be absolutely sure if you still want to be with him seeing that you complained of infidelity and lack of trust also be sure that the physical abuse is over permanently before getting into a marriage. People say that if he has hit you before then he will hit you again but I like to believe that anybody can change and that people deserve second chances, although you need to be very sure that he deserves that chance, and if the cause for he's abuse is really your attitude then please make an effort to change. If you feel that shutting him out for some time to gain some clarity would be best at this point then fine, do what you have to do. I would also like to advice you not to enter a marriage out of fear of not finding a new person, or else you are sure and ready to handle whatever comes with it, good or bad. I wish you the best of luck with him, I hope everything works out for the both of you.
                                                                                                                                              Ralph