Dear Ralph: How do I communicate better with him

Dear Ralph,
      Coming across your blog is one of the most comforting things that has happened to me in recent times because I have tons of issues with no one to share with either because of fear of being judged or just because I feel sharing your issues with others especially friends doesn't exactly help. I am glad you are her.
   The first most disturbing issue to me right now is the communication in my relationship. We have been dating for 10 years now and got engaged this year, to get married early next year after so many challenges. The relationship was an "on and off" thing within the 10 years. But since we defined a path for it, we have been stable. I feel I never have things to say, I feel I bore him. It is the usual "how are you", "what did you eat", "how was work" etc, and the reply is always the same. I feel like I ask too  many questions, is making conversation asking questions?
My girlfriends find me interesting, I don't know why I am different with him. I think I am cold too. He has the interesting gists and I just listen and laugh and nod. I don't know if I have always been like this with him and and it disturbs me. He on the other hand is great and never makes me feel bad about myself, he tries so much to carry me along, I am the problem. Ralph I love this guy and I want more than anything to make it work. I don't want a boring marriage. Please help me, how do I make conversations, what are the things I could talk about, how do  I get flexible. I will appreciate your quick reply.

                                                                                                                                                 eNKay











Dear eNKay,
     You need to ease into this so something that might help you to ease up a little bit is to look at him as your best friend that you can share anything with or even as one of your "girlfriends". Now it isn't a must to ask questions in order to make conversations. There are lots of things you both can talk about. Like if you were to go out, when you come back try to narrate what happened when you went out to him, tell him the things that excited you and things that made you laugh or sad. Just generally make it a habit to tell him however your day went. Those things that excite you should be at the top of the list when sharing things with him, especially those things you know he likes and can relate to. But even if it is an area that he doesn't really know, like something girly, just still tell him about it, he will appreciate it. Just take it easy and relax, I promise you if you use my earlier advice and look at him as just a friend you will be surprised at how naturally things will flow.
        I would also urge that you both try to spend more time with each other. You both should actually sit down and carve out plenty of time and utilize it to the maximum to get to know each other better. It will help you both to relate more easily with each other. Most likely all those years of being on and off didn't help you both get to know more about yourselves well enough, so start now and start trying okay? Go to the movies together, hang out, meet up with each others friends, do fun stuffs together. It will help you generally find out what he is interested in then you can direct your talks towards he's interests to make things more interesting. Pay attention when he talks on a normal day and you will also pick up on he's areas of interest.

                                                                                                                                           Ralph