Dear Ralph: How busy can a man get

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful. This is on of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this




Dear Ralph,

                Good evening sir, please I want to discuss something with you that has been bothering me. Please it's about my husband. He doesn't have time for me anymore. Ever since I gave birth to our child he hardly looks at me, hardly comes back home early and hardly says sweet things to me like the way he used to. This all started when he got his new job at Shell Nigeria. I know that we used to struggle back in the days before he got his job but now I am beginning to miss my old man the way he used to be. Back then I was all he would think about but these days it just looks as if it's all about money and his job. I am stuck doing all the house duties alone and these are things he used to help me out with. Doing all the chores and now with the added responsibility of a baby is not easy. I am forced to believe what friends are saying to me about him starting to cheat on me. They say it's not even possible for a man to get so busy that he refuses s3xual advances from his wife. Men are naturally made to want s3x morning, afternoon and night.
   He is always claiming that he is tired and it is annoying. I am just tired of it all and I want my man back. Ralph do you feel he is cheating on me? I am really confused and want to know how possible it is for him to be as busy as he claims to be. Please help me. Thank you

Ruth








Dear Ruth.

I understand how you must feel about this whole thing but do not worry, everything is going to be okay. His distraction might really just be due to his new found job and how demanding it is. It might be very stressful for him and you know that stress reduces a persons desire for intimacy. So that might be a huge contributing factor as to why he refuses your bedroom advances. Also it isn't always the case about men wanting intimacy all day long. Like in your situation, even if he got it outside then he would still come back and want it from you right? Of cos I am not 100% certain but your case might be a matter of stress on his side, loss of attraction or many other things. However I still feel there is a thing or two you might be able to do to help your marriage because leaving things the way they are now could lead to a bigger problem later.

First of all, I would ask that you express the way you feel about his new found distraction. Let him know that he is beginning to neglect you. Bring up instances of times that he has done that, especially times that he has turned you down in the bedroom. Generally just let it all out and tell him how you feel about his job taking up all his time. You can also choose to express your fears and suspicions of the presence of another person in his life just so you both can clear all that up as soon as possible and get it out of the way. The sooner you get it all out there the better for you. Give him his chance to explain things to you and the way things are for him and make sure you listen to his own side before judging. Just make sure to hear him out with an open mind and not a mind infected with friends might or might not have said. For all we know it might just be all because of the stress and the fact that he hasn't adjusted yet to his new job and it's requirements.

I have an idea for the both you. I believe that you both need to start building your bond again. One way you can do this is by trying to spend more time together. So my idea is this, now that he is beginning to earn more, why not go on a vacation together? Just speak to him and you both can plan a little vacation together, it might just be to a different state in the country or a neighboring country. Ask him to look at his work schedule and know when he would be able to take a leave, then the both of you can take that time off. This would help him with the stress he could be facing at work and help him refocus some of his attention on you. Also when he is in a relaxed mind state might just be the best time to talk to him about your concerns. So the vacation might be the best opportunity to express how you feel to him but that 's if you are able to wait for how long it might take.

I know your friends have your best interest at heart but you should also listen to your own heart more. Do you personally feel that your man is cheating on you? Or did it stick right after you were told by your friends?  It's okay to listen to friends but do not let their words push you to action when you do not have any full evidence. The relationship is about you and your husband and not you, your husband and friends.

Finally let me say this. I know it might be hard for you but with his increased responsibility at work, it might not be easy for him to help around at the house anymore. There are just some things you might have to sacrifice. Things might not always be the way they used to be but it's okay really. There might be few times when he would have the time to help you out at home but you have to realize that those times would rarely come now so you try not to dwell on that. I believe the best thing would be to accept the way things are right now. Taking care of a child and all the house chores aren't easy, I know that but they are things you just have to cope with for now.

Just take it easy and work things out with your man. Everything is going to be okay. Welcome to the Family Ruth. We are all here for you.

Ralph