Dear Ralph: My wife doesn't us want to circumcise our son

Hello Ralph,
       Please I and my stubborn wife have been having a problem. She is a very stubborn person usually and I am not someone that gets violent or talks too much when you start arguing with me. I simply just keep quiet and leave her to do what she wants as long as it won't affect me. Recently she gave birth finally after making my life a living hell during her pregnancy. She gets almost impossibly unbearable when she is pregnant. This is our third issue and finally we have a boy. I have said to myself that I do not want children any more because of how she acts when she is pregnant. Do not get me wrong, I know the pain women go through when they are pregnant but her own is too much. I have sisters that have been pregnant before and it wasn't this bad. Anyway, my main problem is that she doesn't want us to circumcise our son. I have told her that this is just tradition and this is the way things are done. It is in the bible and she goes to church more than me. I don't know if this is another way for her to get me frustrated but I am getting very tired of this woman. I do not want to involve any external family members yet because I don't want it to be like I cannot handle my wife. Please I need your advice. At this point I can loose my mind and do something that I would regret. I beg you, help me out in this situation.

                                                                                                                                               Anonymous













Dear Anonymous,
        Please just try and stay calm. I believe that there might be something else to this her behavior. You need to address that issue and tell her the way you feel about her behaviour, let her tell you what you have done wrong or what the problem could be.
     I believe the best way to approach this is by confronting her directly to tell you her reasons for not wanting the child circumcised. This is if you have not already done this, if you have then please write again to me telling me the reasons she gave you so we can work more on this situation. Also it is either you approach it the calm way or as I have seen some people like to use a stronger hand. Not getting physical, Just by not playing soft. Trying to stand on your reasons and stand your ground especially if she isn't giving you any good reasons or any reasons at all why she wants to do this.

Recently I find that most people do not want to circumcise their children anymore. They say that the reason for the circumcision is baseless and that you just end up hurting the child. People also say that if the child grows up and wants to be circumcised then it is absolutely his choice but that such decisions should be made only by the boy. The problem with this is that when the boy grows up he almost won't be able to do it on his own because by then the pain receptors would be more sensitive. Sometimes it's best that this is carried our when the child is still very small. So bring this up with your woman also if you feel this point I just made makes any sense to you. Depending on the country you are writing from or where your wife might be from, this could be among her reasons also. In my country Nigeria, circumcision is still very much practiced. I feel you are African at least but please feel free to correct me if I am wrong about where you are from.

Just speak to her and don't use your previous anger towards her to judge whatever she says. I know this might be hard because there is already too much bad energy between the both of you. But just try and listen to her with the intention of understanding her own reason. Exchange your ideas and work together in your marriage. Remember this is your son so you both should try your best to make the best decision for him right now. Find out the reason why she wants to go against this regardless of what the bible says and if possible highlight to her what her religious belief preaches.

I would be here when you get more information that we can work with so just take your time and work with your wife. Do not let anger cause any extra problems and stop you from achieving your aim. Just take things easy. I know it might not be easy to endure so please I would ask you to speak up when something annoys you. Do not bottle it up, all that built up tension is going to explode one day and you might damage something that you won't be able to fix. Please, let things out every once in a while. You must not scream or hit someone to vent, just say things and get them off your chest. Preferably to the person that wronged you but to a listening ear that you can trust for good advice if you want.  Take care for now and ill be waiting for more information.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph