Dear Ralph: My friend's girlfriend

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!











Good Morning Mr Ralph.


Am very excited and glad to be part of this gorgeous family of beautiful humble people,and pray for this zeal to last forever. There is some thing bothering me a lot about my friends girlfriend.
My friend traveled to Luxembourg since last 3 years and he has been dating this girl called Prussia for like about 3 years and half before travelling to Luxembourg and Prussia as she is  fondly called was up to 26 years when my friend traveled. I've been the one taking care of the girl's need financially since he traveled. When he traveled newly he began to call her like 4 times a week or there about and promised to come back the other year to pay her bride price and other things but since then nothing happened. Even when ever she goes to his house in Nigeria, his people will be showing her what he sent down for her. There have been promises of how he is going to come back to marry her and take her to Luxembourg. It all really surprises her because time is not on her side. I on the other hand don't have a girl friend for now because I'm busy in gtec oil. I feel I should profess my love for her because I love her and she is a good girl. Truthful and humble,every one talks about her and she loves me back. Even when my friend was still here, she was having a crush on me. I visited her last two weeks and she started behaving some how which could have led to s3x but I had to go. Now my brother and my sister are asking me to take her as a girl friend until due time to marry. Even she started sending me airtime and money and told me to stop given her anything rather she will be giving me now. She went to cruise boutique and bought jeans, shoes and a lot of things which she gave our house help to keep for me and wrote a letter to me that am her last hope and her that her family loves me too much. Now my fear is this, my friend will be coming back this year. What will be his fate if he find out that me and her girl are now dating. I don't want to put division between me and him, I need an advice Mr Ralph. Thanks.



Samuel








Dear Samuel,
        I understand how it can be when you feel you are in love with a person. I also know how confusing it can be when your love for that person is in the 'forbidden waters' territory. Inside you, you just want that person so much and will do anything to be with the person and it seems like everything is pointing towards that person as the right one for you. I know it is good to follow your hear however I must also advice you to also follow your head.

You see, love is good, it is a very powerful and wonderful experience. On the other hand, friendship is to be honored and betrayal from friends is like an emotional knife that gives the deepest of cuts. I know you want your friends girlfriend right now and to you, all your reasoning tells you that you should go ahead and be with her but I'll ask that you think of this very well before going ahead with your decision. This could ruin your friendship if you do not take care in handling this. If she is the one for you then of cos no body should tell you to not be with her. However what I can advice you, for the sake of friendship and loyalty is that you speak to your friend about this. It might seem very difficult for you but honestly just talk to him and get it out of your chest. It will hurt him now but it will be better like this than for him to find out in a different way. Try to speak to him before you start anything with his girl. It's going to be better for him to find out your interest and if you are in luck, he might not be entirely serious with her.

If possible give yourself a little space away from her so you don't fall into any kind of temptation before you do what you have to do.

Also I am kind of confused, in the last sentence you wrote that "what would be your friends fate if he finds out you both are dating". Are you dating the girl already? Or still planning on dating her? Presently she is still your friends girlfriend so I still think you should talk to him and find out his plans for the girls. Let him know your intentions and work through the issues together. Do not let this be the end of your friendship with your long term friend. Be patient and think of this issue very well before taking the next step.

Finally, I want to tell you that it still won't be easy when you start dating her. Or else you are able to move beyond the bond and emotions and physical passion that she has shared with your friend, even if he allows the both of you to be together, you will find yourself haunted with the thought of what she has had with your friend. This is a common thing that most people in your shoes tend to overlook but it always comes back to bite them and cause a rift in the relationship. Make sure that you are truly in love with this girl, that is the only way that her past with your friend would not matter to you. Be sure of what you really want and that this isn't a thing of the moment.

I wish you best of luck and hope things turn out for the best. Glad to have you as a part of the family.




Ralph