Dear Ralph: Troubles with my fiance

Hi Ralph,

        I have an issue to discuss with you and it's about my fiance. We have been dating for 3 years now and he is always flirting with girls on social networks.  He is always telling them that he is single, collecting their numbers and even asking them out. I've caught him on several occasions but he always apologizes. Since I got admission into the university he has been the one paying my school fees and house rent because my dad is late and my mom can't afford my fees.

     A week ago he came to visit me in school and he asked me to marry him, he promised never to do all those things he did anymore and that he wants us to get serious. I agreed and he engaged me. He only just left my place yesterday and today my hair dresser sent me some chats she had with him. He has been asking her out and telling her that he is single and needs a decent girl. He started asking her out after he engaged me. She was shocked, so she munched everything and sent to me. Meanwhile he doesn't know that the lady he is asking out knows that we are together. I don't know how he go her pin, maybe it was from my phone but he lied to her that he got her pin from Facebook. Please I need you to personally advice me. I don't know what to do with this guy. I have never cheated on him, never played games and always respect him. Yet he keeps doing this to me. Please what do I do?

                                                                                                                                                         
Pink











Dear Pink,
        I think you should call him up as soon as possible and address this issue. This is because as things stand, you both are planning on taking things a step further and stepping into marriage with this issue is going to be hard for you both. I believe that he can change if he is willing to but you need to also show him that you are being affected by the things he is doing and to the extent to which you are being hurt by them. Please call him and ask him if what your hairdresser showed you is true and if possible present him with the screen munch that she showed you. He is either going to deny it or accept it then you will know what next to do from there.

If he accepts and apologizes as usual. I think you should make him realize the position you both are in right now. You both need to realize that marriage isn't easy and that if you both have issues like this from now then things could be really rocky when the stress of marriage is added. I say this always that whatever that you portray as acceptable in your relationship, that is what you will get. So with that said I want you to know that if you want things to change then he has to know that you are serious about his flirting. He needs to know that you want it to stop. I just really hope that he isn't dwelling on the fact that you forgive him each time you catch him. I hope he isn't with the mind state of "she will still forgive". If he has that mind state then you have to work hard to change it and show him that you are serious.

If he doesn't accept it then you have to judge by yourself if the information you were given is true or false. Although I know that his past doesn't help at all to defend him, I just want you to look at this with a clean and non judgmental mind. Do not judge just by his past, instead look at the situation with all fairness and know if you can find out the real truth.

Also one other thing I need you to think about is this. I know that he is the one that takes care of you in school basically. Yes, you should be thankful for that but I feel you shouldn't let that alter your judgement. I want you to be able to stay sincerely thankful for the things he does for you but still be able to tell him the way you feel when he hurts you. For your own sake I really hope that you haven't been soft because of your fear of loosing him and consequently the financial assistance he offers. It's a tough situation but you still have to be honest and let out your feelings if not it will choke you later and by then the after effect might be worse. The best you can do is just to tell him the way you feel without sounding insulting or ungrateful. If possible verbally mention your gratefulness once in a while when you must address issues.

I hope you and your fiance sort this out so that you can have a blissful marriage. I hope all these end as stories in the future and things start looking better from now on. Take care and let me know how it goes. I wish you two the best of luck. Welcome to the family Pink!




Ralph