Dear Ralph: Should I give her a second chance.

 Hello Sir,
      I came across your blog via Facebook. I read through some of the posts and I must say that I am already relieved to find someone like you online. Please I have something that I want to discuss with you that has been bothering me since. My girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me and I have not been able to forgive or forget since then. I thought everything was okay between us but my friends kept telling me that she was doing something with a friend of hers that was always around her. I trusted her so much and boasted that I could leave her in a sea of men and she wouldn't do anything with them. I know it was foolish of me and I have learnt my lesson the hard way. It even almost caused a quarrel between I and my friends when they will try to tell me what was going on. I finally found out and it happened to be that she had s3x with him once and felt bad about it.
I felt so stupid because I wouldn't have suspected a thing if she didn't come and tell me by herself. She said that she had been holding it in for a while but couldn't take the guilt anymore so she had to come and confess to me. I don't know where to start now. I Love this girl so much and can't let her go but at the same time I can't live with the way I feel. I put too much trust in her and I can't carry on in a relationship with no trust. I am confused if to leave or if to stay with her. She has been begging for a second chance but I don't even know how to respond to her. Please sir help me. What do I do?

                                                                                                                                                        Kamal







Hello Kamal,
      I guess the reason you are feeling the way you are right now is because of the amount of trust you had for your girl. I know how painful this can be but you have to know that it wasn't your fault. It isn't your fault when a person let's you down regardless of the trust you put in them. It doesn't make you a fool so wipe that thought away. Stop beating yourself up over this.

First of all I want to tell you that it is okay to forgive her. It might not be easy but if not for her, do it for you. Let go of the pain and hurt so that you will be able to walk around with a lighter heart. You must have so much weighing down on you right now. Let go of some of that load by forgiving her. It is going to take time to totally get over it but you can do this. Just take your time.

On if you should give her a second chance. The final answer is going to come from you but let me give you some knowledge and view of this that you might not think of because of your present position. The fact that she came and met you and told you by herself is a huge point for her. I know it sounds strange because the fact is that she still slept with him. But I need you to look at her sincerity and ability to feel guilt, not many people possess such. It means she still has a sincere conscience so there might just still be hope for the both of you. It isn't going to be easy for you to understand right now but just give yourself time. It is rare to see a person, male or female who could have gotten away so easily with cheating and never being caught, coming back to tell the truth. She could have chosen to not tell you, she could have suppressed the guilt and you wouldn't know a thing. She could have done it this once and kept quiet about it and you might have never ever found out. But she decided to tell you. Left for me, she has good points for honesty and conscience.

Let me give you a tip. You see the fact that she did this doesn't mean that she is a bad person or that she meant to hurt you. The thing is that we are all humans and I have found that anybody can be tempted and fall for it, no matter who it is. The best thing as a couple is not to give the chance for that. It doesn't mean you should restrict the other person too much but you both should be able to accept the fact that anything can happen and try to stay away from any temptation. I am not saying you are at fault but do not always trust that you can leave your woman anywhere and nothing will happen. You both should talk about this point I just gave you and agree together on it if you feel it is valid. Look for ways to work around the temptations and meet me for extra tips and help if you wish for more. If possible she should also keep a safe distance from the person she cheated on you with.

It's going to take time and you both will quarrel a lot but you can still make this work. The trust isn't going to be easily restored and even when you feel it has been restored, any slight hint of (unintentionally similar action to that which caused all this could remind you of what happened. So have in mind that some misunderstanding and quarrels will come up but you can work through them. You can still regain the trust you both had.

Now I need you to take your time and sit down. Analyze all the things I have said, take your time to make your decision and don't rush into it. If you decide to stay with her then please also find it in your heart to forgive and let go. Start afresh and you two should learn from your mistakes. If you decide that you have to let go then it's also okay. It's best to let go than to sit down and remain miserable then probably end up in a worse break up. Do what you can handle. I am really sorry to hear of your disappointment. Take things easy and right to me if you need more help. Welcome to the family.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph