Dear Ralph: My Busy Girlfriend

Dear Ralph,
        I am in a relationship with this lovely lady (not the one on the pic above) and we are seriously trying our best to make things work. Everything is great but one of my problems is that she is a someone that everyone easily likes. Everywhere she goes, guys want to go out with her. She is a doctor by training and has lots of male friends through the field. I wasn't comfortable with this initially but she convinced me that nothing more exists between she and them. I still don't feel very secure but sometimes in order to maintain peace and not argue I act like it doesn't bother me and I don't complain. She would sometimes notice and say that I don't care enough. Recently, her boss started asking her out for a date. I told her to tell him straight that she won't do it but she said she wants to play safe, that she doesn't want to be blunt but that she would still stand her ground. This troubles me very much and I don't know how to go about this.

    Looking at the future now, I also have another problem and which is that her work is very demanding and she hardly has my time. She concentrates too much on the work and the relationship is suffering because of that. She doesn't call because she is too busy and is always telling me that she would call back but never does. The thing is that she has explained to me before that she has a flaw when it comes to that but I looked at it as a little thing that can be handled but it's not easy. I hardly talk to her for up to 5 minutes. I am just pissed off and don't feel like talking to her when she does it for a whole day. It is already bad enough that I stay at Ibadan and she stays at Delta, the distance is annoying. Please, how do I make her see that she has to try and balance her work and relationship life?

                                                                                                                                                      Slim








Dear Slim,
        I know how you might feel seeing that a lot of guys are after your girl and how you just feel the need to protect her from them. It can be annoying but I need you to remember one thing, she chose to be with you and not them. It is just her character to be naturally 'loveable' by many. She can't help it and I think you shouldn't worry yourself too much. At least she isn't showing any signs of rudeness because of it or showing you disrespect because she has other men as options, she isn't letting it get to her head. I just think you need to relax and not worry too much about this. But if I am wrong about her attitude towards this then please get back to me and we can discuss some more. I personally believe you should be proud of yourself for having what every other person wants. Collect handshake first. Lol

As for her boss asking her out, you need to understand that she can easily be picked on by him or even sacked if she gets rude or becomes very blunt towards him. I am not saying she should allow her boss do whatever he wants just so she keeps her job, not at all, I just need you to understand that it is a delicate matter, it might not be so easy for her. I think what you can do is to show her how to calmly tell her boss that she is with someone and that it can't happen. Then she should show seriousness by not hinting at any form of hope for the man. Then try to make the man understand that their relationship is strictly work based. Because if she doesn't say anything also, it'll look like she is leading him on and that is also very dangerous. She needs to clear the air while maintaining her respect for the man. It is all about the manner she uses in saying it, it could make a world of difference. The good part of this is that she at least told you, so you have nothing to be scared about. It seems she is an honest person and she is open to you. But as usual, you can let me know if you believe otherwise.

I would suggest that if something is getting to you, you should open up and talk to her. I understand that you might not want to seem like you are always worried or complaining but I believe it's best you let it out now than to store it up and blow up on her one day for something insignificant. Plus she is kind of right here, sometimes we as humans need to see the concern from our partner to know they love us. If she didn't show concern for your daily activities and who you talk to believe me you would feel the same way after a while. So if you feel bad about something, just talk to her. Remember that talking doesn't cause problems, it's the manner you use to say things that does. So try to be easy with her when you talk about a situation.

The future is very important and I am glad you could look far into it and discover problems you might face. So since you cannot exactly tell her to quit her job you both would have to work with what you have and walk around the situation. Now this is what you do, next time you both sit to talk, physically or over the phone, if possible get a piece of paper each. The both of you should state out a typical day in your offices and write out the events of each day plus any free time like lunch and other breaks. Attach a time duration for each activity that you have both written out, then I need you to both compare and see those few times that you have free and that falls in together for the both of you. Then if you see a loophole in her schedule, tell her to remember to call you at that point. Express to her that you want to be kept in the loop of what is happening in her everyday life. It might not be much time but remember that relationships require sacrifices, she has a boss right now and doesn't own her own time. So you have to also try and understand and manage the time she can squeeze out. Give her time to adjust and praise any little improvement you notice so you can encourage her to find more time. She would be excited to talk to you each time if you do this.

Most importantly show her that you understand her stress but still express your own feelings. Don't hold things back, she needs to know the way you feel. Let her know you know she is trying her best and that you appreciate then encourage her to keep trying. You just need to calm down a bit and try to talk with her. Remember she told you about this and you agreed to work with her, it won't be fair to get mad at her now. It would really cause some unseen damage believe me. It takes two to make a relationship work, let her know you can't carry all the load alone and also help to show her how to carry it with you.

I guess the distance is putting a strain on your relationship but I need you both to be strong. You can hold on if you really want to be together. Everything would be fine. I wish you both the best of luck. Hope to hear good news from you soon. Take care for now.


                                                                                                                                                   Ralph