Dear Ralph: Did I do something wrong?

Dear Ralph,
        I have been having some issues with some people and was wondering if you would help me look at the situation i'm in then tell me if I am wrong. This whole thing has to do with me, I hardly get along with women. I try to be friends with females but the relationship never lasts. I hardly talk to people and I hare gossiping. I say the truth no matter what and I never force myself on anyone else. If you like me fine, I go with the flow and if you don't I simply keep my distance. This my behavior got to a point that someone told me to my face that I have too much pride. I was surprised because this is someone that I go out of my way to make happy. I asked people around me, especially men and they told me that it's not true and that she is probably envious of me. This particular girl expressed so much unhappiness when I upgraded my phone. She is also not married but even me with my kids have a better body figure than her.

  I have checked with other about how I relate with them and they told me that they have no issues with me. Even where I live, I don't get along with women because I stay in my house. I thank God for my husband because I have everything I need right thee with me. I only visit neighbors when something happens. Ralph could this be related to the environment I grew up? Growing up, we hardly went on holidays or weekend vacation to our relatives houses. We were provided with almost everything we want in life. We were trained to be contented with what we have. So what's the problem? Please help, I need to know if I am doing something wrong.

                                                                                                                                                    Aisha








Dear Aisha,
       I personally would advice you to just be yourself. The thing is that not every single person would accept you for who you are. From what you have explained, I don't see a problem. Your friend might have a particular thing about you that bothers her which she finds hard to explain or let out. It could be that your life is a success and its just right there in her face, people would naturally be angry about this without even trying. Sometimes it just seems to them like you are flaunting in front of them because you have a good life. It could be envy or it might not and the truth is that nobody would be able to say for sure what her problem is or else she explains by herself. Only then would anybody be able to analyze the way she has spoken and find out what the problem might be.

I am sure you have your reasons why you have chosen to be quiet and not engage too much in certain kinds of discussion. I would advice that as long as you know you aren't causing anybody any harm then you stick to what you do. I have found that most people who keep to themselves are often mistaken as snubs. This is regardless of if they actually intend to snub or not. So just be who you are and make sure you are doing what you are doing for the right reasons.

There is a possibility that your upbringing has contributed in a way or the other to your decision of being alone. In a way it is good, you would find out that you stand a better chance of staying out of trouble by taking the road you have chosen. I would also like to tell you this, regardless of any misunderstanding you are having right now with anybody, just make sure you maintain a friendly face and approach. They might not understand now but they stand a chance of understanding later. Also you might need someones help tomorrow, so I think you would prefer to be seen as the "quiet girl" and not the "snub". So just generally maintain a good attitude regardless of your decision to stay quiet and on your own.

Talk things out with this your friend if possible, point out her behavior and ask her what the problem might be. Let her openly tell you, with live instances what the problem might be. Try to understand things from her perspective and correct her if she has the wrong views so she gets to understand you more. When you find out what she has a problem with then you can look at yourself and judge better. When you speak to her, go with an open mind and don't dismiss anything she says about you before you think the fact through thoroughly.

Let me know what you find out and I can keep up the help. Take care for now.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph