Dear Ralph: Involving parents in Marriage issues

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Ralph deals with everyday life struggles from relationship , marriage , self esteem, Insecurity, Family, Parenting Issues and many more. He deals with generally any trouble you are facing in your life and need a friend or an advice. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issues. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright then, let's do this!










Dear Ralph,

I and my fiance have been having a particular argument as regards how much our parents should be involved in our marriage. Personally I believe that they should be allowed to have a say and help us make some decisions in our marriage. I believe that since they are experienced they can help us handle issues and point out things we might not be able to foresee. My hubby on the other hand says that it's an absolute NO! he doesn't want anybody involved and believes he can solve everything on his own. So I want to know, what do you feel about involving parents in Marriage issues.


Elizabeth











Dear Elizabeth

 It is true that they have more experience when it comes to issues in marriage but since the parents that might be involved in each issues would be a particular persons parents, then sentiments are bound to come in. Unintentionally, justice might be twisted to favor a particular person if it is his/her own parent(s) that's present to hear out the issue. The truth is that as much as possible, it is best to keep things away from any external party be it friends, siblings or parents. Issues should be tackled within the family as much as possible.

I do admit that there are certain issues that would require the presence of the parents. Like if issues have gotten way out of hand and it's beginning to look like the marriage might come to an end, it is okay to call THE TWO PARENTS to help out and sort things out for the both of you. Right then they would be acting as sort of  counselors and wouldn't be parents at that point so as to avoid taking sides. Take not that I highlighted "the two parents" because I feel that is the only condition where there would be a chance of fairness in judgement. However this might not always workout because of the same problem of parents coming to defense of their own child. So be careful when involving the two parents, issues can get escalated and more problems could arise, sides would be taken and that would cause more damage to the marriage that is trying to be fixed. It's just generally hard to find justice or the proper advice when you have someone as close to you as your parents handling your issues. When you become a parent you might get to understand better. Picture your child being punished in school in your presence, it would always be hard for you to watch or approve even if your child did something wrong. That love you have for him/her would always affect your better judgement.

 Also issues like repeated physical abuse from any party might also be brought to the attention of the both parents. Generally it has to be issues that are very serious and not just any little argument over a cup of water Or about if you like more pepper in your food than your partner does. My point is that issues will always arise but if it isn't a matter of saving the relationship from total crash then try your best to handle your issues within yourselves. Trust me it is much better like that. Handle as much as you can on your own without involving any external parties

This is my own personal opinion and i'll leave it to the rest of the family to give you the advice they can offer. Just read through and read the comments also okay? I hope you and your fiance reach an agreement that will work best for the both of you.


Ralph