Dear Ralph: When do relationships work?

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!








Dear Ralph,

    I'm Incredibly frustrated with men! My typical relationships start with friendships and it seems like that is my fatal mistake. This is the Fourth time and there is continued failure. We spend tons of time together, there's flirtation, then intimacy, and then nothing. It never sticks! Is it just that they really aren't interested? Or am I the common denominator that finds men who don't commit to me? Ugh! So frustrated!

Dee






Dear Dee

       I understand the frustration you must be going through because of the constant disappointment from guys. I'm really sorry you have to go through all that but let me see what I can do do to help you out. The B.V's would also do what they can via the comment section. So let's do this.

First of all and I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I need you to look at yourself closely and observe your own wrongs. In anything you do, especially when it keeps going wrong, the best thing to do is to look at yourself and ask what you are doing wrong. I need you to think back to all your ex's that have left in this same manner and sequence. Ask yourself if there is something in particular about you that they all complained about. Did the intimacy come too easily? Did you in anyway unintentionally give off a wrong vibe and have them perceive you in a certain way that is wrong? You need to look at yourself and know if the problem is you. The truth is that only you would be able to know if you are the cause of the issue, you just have to be sincere with yourself. Sincerity is the only way you would be able to accept your fault and accepting your fault is the only way you can fix them.

Secondly I need you to now look at each and ever one of these people that you have dated that eventually left the way they did. Is there anything that is common between them? Maybe a sign of unseriousness from the beginning that you just overlooked. Probably hoping the change. Maybe they actually came with the intention of just getting what they wanted but came in through friendship till they saw the opening they needed. You probably noticed but overlooked it refusing to believe it. If you have noticed and overlooked something like this then you have to revisit those memories and take them seriously. They could be the key to finding out the problem. The example I gave about unseriousness is just an example and it might not be exactly the same thing when it comes to your situation. It's just a guide for you to be able to look closer and know those things that you might have overlooked or a common behavior among your past lovers.

Starting out as friends isn't an issue at all. In fact it's a very good way to build a lasting relationship. However one thing that people get wrong is that when they start dating, they forget friendship. Yes, things change when relationship status changes from friendship to dating and the same thing happens when it changes from dating to married. However you should never let go of that friendship that helped bring you to where you are. One issue that always comes up is the issue of excessive restrictions that comes in once the relationship status changes. The freedom that the partners felt when they were once 'just friends' is instantly yanked away because of the relationship status and it changes a lot of things along with it. I would advice that any change that you or your partner makes should be gradual and agreed upon with reasons. Always fight to maintain friendship within your relationship. It doesn't end once the relationship status changes, it should still exist and help keep the relationship alive.

Do not be scared and do not hate men for this. I promise you that there are good people out there and the person that is meant for you is equally out there. You just need to concentrate more on finding out what the issue is for now and working on yourself to be better. If you attract a particular set of guys with a particular kind of behavior then I think it's time to change up a couple of behaviors and general life policies. You need to find what it is about you that attracts those people and make a choice to keep it or continue with it. Is it the kind of friends you have? The way and place you met them? The hangout spots you choose to go to? Just take a glance at something similar between all the guys. It could be the person or kind of people you met them through.

Start with yourself to search for the problem. I strongly believe that you will be okay. Just take a deep breath, calm down and take it easy. If it would help, take a break from relationships for now to find yourself and reflect on the past relationships. It could help you out a whole lot. I hope you are able to find the problem and I would always be available to help you anyway I and the family can and through your journey. As you realize more things we can help you make sense of them if you wish, you only need to write to me. We aren't here to judge, we are here to help. Welcome to the family Dee.



Ralph