The ideal time to get married

   In this months polls, our debate is on how long it should take a man to propose to his girlfriend. That in other words means, the amount of time since they started dating that it should take the man ( or the woman even ) to propose marriage. So far only 6 people have been able to vote but from that alone I can see that majority of people would go for 6 months - 2 years after the couples first meeting to propose marriage. Well I have something to say about this because I personally do not agree...

I real feel that a couple should have dated for at least 3 - 5 years before entering that union. I know it seems like a lot of time but I have my own reasons and let me explain well to you guys.

Remember this is just the opinion of one man...









You see I read all your comment from the original post (READ ORIGINAL POST HERE ) and everyone had really good points. For example... Esit said that anything less than 6 months and you won't know the true nature of the person you are going into the commitment with and anything more than that, the guy gets too comfortable and the relationship then starts looking like a roommate thing. I say, you really are going to be roommates so there is no use postponing what would still come to pass. Why delay the inevitable? If it's going to come it's best it comes before the marriage so you find out the kind of roommate you will have for the rest of your life. If the man or woman is going to run away because of your behavior as a roommate then best they take off now than when you have invested your heart fully in marriage. Others made similar points and these points are correct although I personally disagree with the time frame given by you guys for the effects of either neglect or ignorance towards your partner to take place.

You see I feel that one mistake that most people make is getting into a marriage when that initial dreamy effect of meeting someone that you "feel" is the one for you is still strong and lingering. We tend to mistake this fantasy for reality.That is the reason we breakup and feel that the "Love is no more there" after a while or in a case where the fantasy was still there until after the wedding, they get a divorce. The truth is that even with the one that you fall hard in love with, that fantasy that you fell in love with in the beginning is bound to fade away in no time and if you haven't spent enough time building friendship and something more than what you both had in the beginning then you both would find yourselves lost. Marriage is more about friendship and endurance than love.
   Now I didn't say the love wouldn't be there, but if you think of marriage as a ship then here is what you will have. The love would be the sail that would lead you to your destination, the ship itself that would hold you both afloat would be the friendship and endurance would be the anchor that would hold you down each time a storm comes. Oh and let's not forget the sharks and water below, those would be side chicks, sugar daddies and the boundaries you dare to cross...lol. You are going to  have to experience a lot together and endure the worst parts of each other over and over again until you both die....I don't think you understand fully. It's not for a set period of time, this is for as long as you both live or at least until one person passes away. So how do you know the kind of person you are going into commitment with and if you would be able to stay committed? Well it's by spending time with that person, building friendship and knowledge together. True friendship is found in different individuals but only through a long period of time. So give your relationship time! Feed it with time so you can find out what you really need to know about each other.

I really feel 3 - 5 years is the correct time to get married. Trust me anybody that is determined could mask themselves for up to 2 years and you wouldn't even know who they really are until they choose to reveal it to you. It is only with time that the initial dream and fantasy would fade away and the real relationship would start. It is only after that fantasy fades away that you would truly know if you would be able to endure and coexist with your partner for the rest of your life. It is only after you find out that you are capable or incapable of being with that person for the rest of your life that "You both" should decide on if to get married or not. The only reason why so many couples are getting divorced these days is that they lack the knowledge of what marriage actually requires and the discipline to run a family. Remember that I am still talking of the stress you both would face dealing with just each other alone, because when kids come into the equation then you both would be taken to another level of stress to deal with. However that's a gist for another day...

So do you strip away the fantasy from the beginning and dive straight into the friendship and endurance right from the beginning? Nah! You don't do that, you should take your time and enjoy it all from the beginning but you also have to have it in your mind that there would come a time when things won't be the way they were in the beginning. There would be a time that you would doubt the love you have for each other, you would fight so much and be on the verge of breaking up. It's those memories you made at the initial stage that could save your relationship so do not strip the fantasy away right from the beginning of that relationship. Enjoy dating your girlfriend and your boyfriend before getting into that marriage. It is very important to date. Take your time to enjoy the love because it is going to fade at a point. Do not get me wrong, it isn't going to fade completely but it's going to be suppressed by a lot of other factors. It would only be dug up again to the surface by true friendship, dedication and as I would always emphasize on, endurance!

Marriages can succeed or they can fail. It all depends on you and who you are with. Do not just think of the fantasy. Think of everything, look at your partner closely before getting into that union and find out if they are able to take care of the job they would be required to handle in the marriage. If anyone of you isn't ready then you should take your time to educate each other. Grow together and make the right decisions to wait before getting married. Forget what people might say and make the right decision, concentrate on the important things that are involved in marriage. Let the fantasy in your head come only as a bonus to your union. Plan carefully for your marriage and be prepared.

Finally remember that A Marriage is far different from A Wedding. Which would you like to spend more energy on? So do not rush into a marriage because you want to have a wedding. Instead you should have a wedding because you truly want to and understand what it means to get married.