Dear Ralph: Should I break up with her

Hi Ralph

I and my girlfriend are always having issues and she is the type that won't tolerate any harsh stuff from anybody. I really think that if she can tolerate me that we will be fine and we will stop having problems. We always have problems after which I will sit her down and talk about it but yet the same things happen again. I really want her to change but it's not working, so I chose to stop killing myself over her and change. She really wants me to treat her fine even if she is wrong and it really hurts me and I can't keep doing that every time. It makes me see myself as a puppet that doesn't know what I really want. I think I should break up with her. Advice me please.

                                                                                                                                                   Onyedika









Hello Onyedika,
         
Let us first of all try to work on staying together before we look at splitting as an option. The thing about humans is that every single person has a way you can get to them and it is all about what you can take and how far you can go to make it work with them. I believe that a person like your girlfriend only requires the right kind of approach. For instance you mentioned that she doesn't tolerate harshness. She could have her reasons why she doesn't like getting scolded, so I would suggest that if possible you try to take a more calm approach towards her. When you speak to her try to speak with a soft voice and show her that you aim to correct and not criticize. Most times people like your girlfriend tend to miss the point of why you are harsh towards them and this is usually out of a natural character that they have or simply due to something in their past or background. So I think you should try and get to know her more. If you haven't known her for long enough then just try and give this a little more time till you understand the reason for her character.

Do not look at being soft spoken towards her as weakness in your own side. Just look at it as a way to work around the problem of communication that you both are facing. Think of the reason you actually speak to her, remember that it's all out of love and an intent to correct. Try to show her the consequences of her behavior. Let her know that you love her and that you want things to work but that the way she acts is pushing you away.

I also want you to try something that most people overlook. You mentioned that you speak to her about the issues and she eventually goes back to the same behavior. Remember that change isn't easy especially changing a natural character. So learn how to look back and recognize her progress if she has made any at all. Or else she isn't willing at all or showing any signs of improvement then just try and recognize and encourage her to keep improving. Although she might be a tough person, you have to find a way to lure her into being a better person.

I would also advice you to look at my suggestions closely and only implement them when you fully understand and accept them. Life and relationship is all about what you can cope with and what you can handle. If you have to uncomfortably force yourself to implement these things and end up frustrated then it isn't worth it. You have to do what you are able to handle. I only ask that you consider these points I have given you before thinking of letting go. Just take it easy and get back to me when you read this. Provide me with more information and we will work further to save your relationship. Welcome to the family.

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph