Dear Ralph: I can't get over my ex

Morning Ralph,
        Please I have been having some issues. I can't seem to get over my ex for over two years now. I am also shy about talking to any other girl. We dated for close to 5 years before breaking up. I am kind of a friendly and jovial person but she said I was doing it in excess, that she never knows when I'm serious. My parents used to be against us but we still stood beside each other. She cheated on me by dating another person while we were dating and when I caught her , she apologized. We reconciled after that but I guess I never really forgave her, although I didn't know it at the point. Since we broke up I have been single, it's been over a year and anytime I see her my heart still skips a beat and I get nervous. Any advice?


                                                                                                                                                           Jude











Dear Jude,
      There are so many reasons why you still have feelings for your ex. The truth is that, for a relationship that lasted as long as yours did it would take a lot more than 2 years to forget. There were so many memories created together, regardless of when you both fought each other, you both laughed also. These images stick to your memory and you can hardly get over them so easily. You have shared a close bond with this person and the fact that you both aren't close anymore creates an awkward moment each time you both encounter each other. Be it that you are just passing by or having a face to face confrontation, the nervousness is almost inevitable. I need you to know that this is a perfectly normal behavior. You have to keep trying to suppress the feeling mentally and carry on like nothing ever happened. Sometimes you just have to consciously fake the lack of interest. It takes time and practice but if you succeed in doing this constantly, you will definitely but with over time, start forgetting slowly. But remember that memories like these ones can never be forgotten totally.

I also understand you not being able to speak to other females. It is either just the way you are as a person, or that you are beginning to give up in relationships because the one you had didn't workout. If I am wrong about this, please do write back and enlighten me, it would help me to help you better.        Now if you are giving up on relationships I need you to know that it isn't healthy for you. The fact that one didn't work out even after so long is not an indication to give up. Instead it just signifies that it wasn't meant to be, only with that particular person and not every other person.
      If it is just the way you are or because you can't think of sharing what you shared with your ex, with another person then I need you to stop and think about this. It is actually okay to give a chance at another relationship. I would urge you to just find the strength and will to give this a try. Also you would find that going into a different relationship would help you also to forget over time. I am not suggesting you use a different girl to rebound, I just need you to give a chance at another relationship at least. When you meet the right person, believe me, you will begin to forget.

I would just advice you to treat every different person that you are in a relationship with as a new person. Do not judge any of them based on what you ex did. People who have this kind of bond with their ex tend to exhibit this kind of character so please be cautious. All you really need is time and the will to give another person a chance. You would definitely heal over time and you will definitely find someone else, there is no two ways about it.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph