Dear Ralph: How do I know when I'm prepared

Hi Ralph,
     I have a problem with my boyfriend, he is pressuring me to much to get intimate with him. He is really a sweet guy generally but I get tired when he starts asking for intimacy. He can be very pushy and annoying when it comes to this. I am not ready but with the way he is going about this I am beginning to think of just giving in and getting it out of the way. Recently he has now learnt how to try and seduce me and he is really good at it. I have almost fallen a couple of times now. I don't know if I should just do this. This is all so frustrating, this his attitude is making me hate him. He is fine generally but this is something I want to do at my own time My friends are saying that I should just go ahead with it but I don't know if I am prepared. How would I know if I am prepared for this?

                                                                                                                                                           Cleo












Dear Cleo,
        The truth is that there is no way of knowing when you are ready for it. Some say it's until after marriage but I have spoken to a couple of people  that still weren't ready after marriage. They said they just didn't want it still and weren't curious to find out. So I don't think you can ever be absolutely prepared for this. What I know is that you should decide on it by yourself and not be pushed into it. Intimacy can be beautiful, it is a beautiful thing but if you do not welcome it by yourself you are going to hate and regret it for a long time. It could affect your happy relationship in the long run. So just take your time and know what you really want and when you want it. The only person that would be able to know when you are prepared is you.I feel that when the time comes that you are going to actually want it for a change. Maybe together with your life principles, that's if you set any, you can then decide if there is a particular age or time limit you want to set before you can engage in it.


I know some people can be really pushy about this but you have to learn to stand your ground. It isn't easy though with pressure and all. I think you should tell your boyfriend how this is affecting the way you see him. Tell him that if he keeps going on like this that you might end up disliking him. Also, let him know that if you do this without actually wanting it that you would have regrets. So just take things easy, take your time and explain to him. I would ask you not to see him as a bad person because urges can be really strong and sometimes hard to control. When you start engaging in intimacy you would understand what I mean better. So just take it easy with him, if he has been with another person before and actually tried this out then the urges would always come. Since you cannot automatically put a stop to his urges, I recommend that you try to be strong on your own.

Finally you don't have to listen to your friends or tell them the details of your intimacy with your man. Do not let anyone tell you when you should engage in intimacy. You alone would bear the aftermath of whatever you decide, be it good or bad. So take your time and decide. If you want it, make sure it's you by yourself that wants it and not everybody around you that's pressuring you that wants it for you. If you decide that you don't want it then you have to learn to stand for what you want.

And remember, intimacy is almost like Pringles. "Once you pop, you can't stop". Well you can but you have to have some hardcore determination and resolve to stop. So be absolutely sure if you decide to go ahead with this. Take care and write to me if you need any extra assistance in the future.