Dear Ralph: My job is affecting my love life

Hello Ralph,
      I have an issue with my girlfriend. I met my her through my sister because the nature of my job doesn't give me the time to go out and meet girls on my own. My job takes me away for up to 60 day or more and some times about 30 days. When I come back I only get to stay about 30 more days before having to head out again. My sister linked me to her around march last year. She has some serious attitude issues and regardless I am willing to settle down with her. Her behavior makes me doubt if she loves me. One of my main concerns is that I am already so into her family. They all know about her attitude and at times they ask me how I get to cope with her. She is quick to anger but when she is okay she behaves really good. She has complained about my job also and say that I wouldn't be available anytime she needs me, it gives her some serious concern. The problem now is that I don't want to start opening up and telling her everything I don't like. I just feel that if she gets desperate for marriage, she would simply agree to anything to get the ring on her finger. I would obviously start regretting this later on. I don't want her to just accept out of desperation. I also do not want to make any mistakes because of marriage. Please help.

                                                                                                                                                      Richard















Dear Richard,
       Most likely her behavior is due to frustration, either from the long distance relationship and the fact that she hardly gets to see you or from something else that she hasn't told you yet. She is afraid that this is the way thing are going to be after you are both married, that you won't be available. Your tight schedule could be contributing big time to her frustration, she just doesn't know a better way to express it. The problem here is that or else you are willing to quit your job and look for another one, the both of you would have to manage like this for a while. You can always try and explain things better to her, she has to know that this is the job you have and that she should try and cope with it for now. At least until you find another, that's if you plan on finding another one.

I personally feel you both shouldn't rush into the marriage just yet, you both should take your time and know if you can work with the way things are as of present. I know you are afraid of her reaction because you suspect that she would simply agree out of desperation. The thing is that you cannot live in that kind of fear, you have to address issues. If you don't say anything to her then the problems would only keep piling up and misunderstandings would keep coming in due to lack of understanding. The only way you would be able to understand what she wants is to talk to her. Also remember that what you feel is only a suspicion, it's not certain that she would act out of desperation. So give the marriage a break for now and talk things over with each other, study your situation a little more.

I would also ask you this. If she was to keep up her present attitude for the next 10 years, would you be able to cope with her? Answer truthfully yourself and then compare it to having to deal with the attitude for a lifetime, if you cannot cope with her attitude then you have more reason to hold on with the marriage till you both know where you are with the relationship.

Marriage is for a life time, so any picture you paint for her right now is what you have to maintain through the marriage. Say things the way they are and always tell her what you feel. The only thing that makes the difference is how you tell it to her. Encourage her to also open up and tell you how she feels. Take it easy and just be patient till you get to talk to her again, preferably face to face.

Finally, never forget to always communicate with her when you are away, always stay in touch.

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph