Dear Ralph: I will feed my family under one condition from my boss

Hello Ralph,
          I have put myself in trouble and I don't know how to come out of it.  My boss wants to ruin my marriage and my family's chance of feeding. You see my family and I, we were suffering some years back and I met a lady who promised to help me out. The lady is someone I knew a while ago, she liked me but we never got to date. I got married and she was still bugging me but I didn't take it that serious, I thought she was just joking. She wasn't happy that I married my wife but as at then I thought she was a nice person until now. She brought me into the company that she manages but it wasn't until I agreed to sleep with her after constant pressure. I considered my family and took the decision so that my wife and kids wouldn't starve.
Looking back on it now I don't know if to regret my decision or not. I haven't been able to tell my wife what I did and why I did it. This lady has turned my life in that office miserable, she is always trying to tempt me into one thing or the other. Calls me at odd hours and sends incriminating pictures to my phone. It has been a year and some months since I got the job and her pressure keeps increasing. The problem now is that she is threatening to expose me to my wife if I don't sleep with her. She also keeps telling me how it was meant to be her that I am married to. That she loved me and I disappointed her and went to marry a poor woman. Because of this lady I have cheated on my wife, I have done something that I promised never to do and now she wants me to do it again. She now gives me piles of work to do and threatens to sack me with every little mistake I make. I am tired, I can't quit because I don't know if I will get another job. The truth is that I do not have a certificate so for people like me it's going to be hard to get a job. Please help me out. What do I do? Should I quit or just do this with this woman and get it over with. I am confused right now. I love my wife and I do not want to cheat on her again. Thank you sir.

 
Dipo










Dear Dipo,

The thing about blackmail is that it rarely ever stops. As long as the person has something on you, they are going to most likely be using it on you until they get what they want completely. Yours is kind of worse because it's a thing of physical pleasure. It dies down for only a little while after satisfaction before the urge comes again. She could want you again the next minute, the next day or any other time. However do not be scared, I think you can get through this. I just hope your woman is patient enough and understanding to hear your reasons. She will be your next ally at this point. My next point will explain why she has to be understanding.

In order to counter that surprise that the lady wants to give your wife by exposing what you two have done. You will have to think of telling your wife first. If she hears it from your boss that you were with another woman, it could put the trust in your relationship in a place where it wouldn't be easily recovered. It could even result to multiple relationship issues and end in a separation (worst case scenario). Talk to her and tell her why you did it and the tight situation you were in. Let her know of everything that is going on and what your boss plans on doing to you. Beg for her forgiveness and patience with you. If possible let her help you so you both can figure out something you can do just in case your boss decides to sack you. Trust me, your wife might be the scariest person to talk to now but she is also the best person to trust right now.

If your boss isn't bluffing then most likely she will carry on to tell your wife about the affair or the one night stand. However you have to make a decision if you want to carry on with the affair or not. Maybe read my first paragraph again to understand your situation more and make your decision on what you feel is best. If you continue with her then you might keep your job (note that it doesn't guarantee you will keep it forever).
      If you decide not to continue then you will most likely loose that job. So I thin you have to stall long enough to get another job if you choose this path. Even though you do not have any certificate now there are smaller jobs that you can do that will bring in little money and if you are lucky enough then it could lead to more opportunities for you. Also explore your person talents and see how creative you can be with them, see how far you can go. Seize and exploit positively, the opportunities around you. Just make sure you start this hunt for a job as soon as you finish reading this.

I know you did this for your family but I want you to know that your wife might get angry and the trust might drop. As I have said before, be patient and do not fight with her if she complains. Do not tell her that you did it for her so that she shouldn't complain. Just the way you will want her to understand, try and understand from her own side also. Take things easy and try to stall your boss while staying away from further implication as you search for another job.

Finally I want to ask one question. This your boss, is she married also? Please get back to me so we can discuss better. Take care and I hope you sort this out as soon as possible.


Ralph